Dysgrace, a system of spiritual abuse

I am no fan of the "mega-church movement," nor am I a fan of it's spawn, "the seeker sensitve movement," but there are some great lessons to be learned from the leaders and thinkers therewithin.

David Faust, who happens to be the president of my college, wrote a book entitled, "Growing Churches, Growing Leaders" subtitled, "How to lead a growing church and live a balanced life." Big title for a book of only 200 pages.

There is an interesting chapter called, "An Atmosphere of Grace" in which a section is called, "Atmospheric conditions which lead to dysgrace and decline" (note that it is dysgrace, defined as a tragic distortion or impairment of grace)

Anyway, the basic concept is this: If you are the minister of a congregation, and your congregation is not spiritually growing, and in fact is not physically growing, then there is a reason. And chances are, the reason is you.

Let me preface this by saying that not all churches with declining growth are bad, abusive, or oppressive. In fact, many of them are just the opposite. They are just victims of demographics, socio-economic factors, and trends in church growth. But there are a few churches, because of their leadership, which are hurtful, abusive, and for lack of another word, un-Christ-like.

Faust explains,

"In churches afflicted by dysgrace, one can detect several unhealthy conditions which pollute the atmosphere."

These are defined, amusingly with rhyming words. Man, I love how creative we often are. Anyway, the first reason for the decline of growth due to dysgrace is refusing people.

"Some churches simply shut out potential members and refuse to offer grace to anyone considered different or undesirable. It is dysgraceful when Christians refuse to reach out across barriers involving economic or social status, educational background, or skin color."

The next unhealthy condition is defusing people.

"Another symptom of dysgrace is the tendency to stifle enthusiasm and fresh ideas...dysgraceful churches squelch enthusiasm, creativity, and uphold the status quo at all costs. They are spiritual fire extinguishers, ready to throw cold water on the sparks of new ideas before they even have a chance to burn brightly."

The third dysgraceful act is confusing people.

We cannot send mixed messages of love/compassion and legalism/religiosity. We cannot hold up God's grace in one hand, but judgement from the staff members in the other. Along this line of confusion is the unfortunate truth that many ministers spread more fog than shed light. If we proclaim the love of Christ, then it should be evident in our lives.

The fourth unhealthy condition is amusing people.

"Dysgraceful churches seldom experience real joy. Instead, they offer shallow entertainment and gospel gimmecks intended to draw and amuse a crowd.

Finally, and on somewhat of a more personal level is the unhealthy condition of abusing people.

In extreme cases, dysgrace may be best described as outright spiritual abuse.

There are some identifiable dynamics to spiritually abusive systems.

1) Power posturing: Leaders demand excessive amounts of authority and compel their followers to submit.
2) Performance preoccupation: Spirituality is measured by strict adherence to the church's rules with little emphasis on grace.
3) Unspoken rules: For example, the "can't talk" rule instructs that any expression of disagreement or dissent is viewed as disloyalty toward the church's leadership.
4) Lack of balance: Abusive churches may either overemphasize subjective experiences or go to the other extreme and allow no room for the personal leading of God's Spirit.
5) Paranoia: Such churches are dominated by suspicion and fear of outsiders, and discourage interaction with the outside world.
6) Misplaced Loyalty: Loyalty to Christ becomes identified exclusively with one's involvement in a particular congregation or organization.

and finally,
7) Secretiveness: Rather than dealing with important issues and problems with an appropriate degree of openness, abusive systems consistently handle such matters behind closed doors.

The common thread to the dysgraceful church is that they are using people instead of ministering to them.

Let me add this personal note: IF you are in an abusive relationship with a partner, spouse, or family member, anyone in their right mind would tell you to get help, get out, or go to the authorities. So why is it that we allow ourselves to be in abusive spiritual relationships? Why do we allow minsiters to control and manipulate us? If you are in a church where ANY of these things are taking place, you should seriously take a look at the system of that church. Is it gracious or dysgraceful?

More Old Thoughts....

Origianlly posted 12/18/2003


After we moved into the new townhome, I needed to take care of a lot of things I wasn't prepared for. So, I took a week off in order to get things organized, ordered, hooked-up, turned-on, activated, and connected. Now that all those minor details have be taken care of, I can return to a regular schedule of daily postings.

I just got home from work. I have a co-worker that I have been blessed with the opportunity to grow closer to. He is a good man, but has many misconceptions regarding Christianity and "organized religion." I'll call him John in order to protect his innocence. John grew up with many religious influences; Catholicism, Mormanism, Southern Baptist, and finally Atheism. John married a woman who practiced a form of nature worship similar to Druidism. Unlike the Wiccans, John's belief system does not utilize spells and curses. It is a peaceful, Unitarian, worship of the gift of life. John somehow retains "roots" of his ecclesiastic upbringing, stating that he believes in a Creator God, and that this God has a Son, Jesus Christ. John holds to the idea that God sent many "Sons" to inform us of His plan for our lives. John holds to the idea that many men and women have been sent by God as generational and cultural "messiahs." Buddha, Confucius, Mohammed, Gandhi, Joseph Smith, John Lennon, Mother Theresa, and so on are believed to have been sent by God in order to help people learn about and draw nearer to God.
For someone who minimalizes his beliefs to: nature worship, John has a deeply philosophic heart and an eager desire to learn about other religious systems. We began discussing religion one day, out of the blue. We talked a little here and there. Exchanging thoughts, philosophies and theology. He explained that he felt that Christ was a good man, a great moral teacher, and a great example; but that NONE of his present day followers have ever exhibited the kind of love and compassion, understanding and acceptance, tolerance and patience that was exemplified in Christ. I had to agree. He went on to say that it isn't the teachings of Christ that turned him away from Christianity: it was the Christians. He did not want to be associated with a church organization because of their greediness, pride, arrogance, ignorance, and bigotry. He saw Christianity as a method of justifying elitist, sexist, and racist behavior. He saw Christianity as a 1-2 hour a week farce.
Over the past few weeks, I have been reading a book by Dan Kimball entitled, "The Emerging Church." Every day, I purposefully take it to work, put it on my desk, and refuse the urge to mention it. He finally asked about it. He asked if he could look at the back. I said, "sure, you might like that book. It discusses how Christianity has taken a turn for the worse over the past 3-4 decades and how 1950's ideology isn't necessarily the most productive or effective way to reach people in post-modern 2003."
He responded by saying, "hmm. I never thought of that. I just figured that most Church people were happy with the way things were."

Strange pic from the web...

I might start giving out an award for strange pic from the web each week. I dunno, just something different to do.

Here is this week's first candidate. Scroll all the way down, then back up and you will get the full effect.

Old thoughts...

I was sitting in class tonight and was reminded of some postings that I had made from my earlier blog. So, I thought I would repost some of them. Over the next few days, I am going to repost some of my earlier posts. Many of these took place as I was wrestling with questions of faith. I hope that they are challenging and at the same time encouraging to you. If you had read these before, you will note some editing. I decided that some of the postings needed to be "cleaned up" a bit. But the basic concept is still there. And now, time for the show...



On Evangelism from 11/24/2003
I struggle with the idea of evangelism as it has been played out during my lifetime. Leaving tracts as tips at a restaurant, flyers in restrooms, and door to door witnessing is not evangelism. It's annoying. It's right above telemarketers in the list of most annoying.

Lifestyle evangelism doesn't work too well either. The idea is that if I am a good example of Christ's love and compassion, then a non-believer will wonder why I am different from the "others." The reason that this doesn't work is because a majority of Christians are bitter, judgmental, hateful creatures. I've met people who are the meanest creatures this side of hell then later found out they were Christians. How depressing. How discouraging. How detrimental to the Kingdom.

The other evangelistic approach is what I call the "Java-Jesus" approach. The idea here is that you develop a friendship with an individual, then invite them to your "cool" church. The church has a very modern approach to worship, a relaxed atmosphere, and narrative preacher. Oh, and did I mention we have a coffee bar?

But what do we do when we get people into the building? My point is this: There are several styles of Churches. The church I attended was a seeker-sensitive church. Others are missional congregations, some are evangelical fundamentalist congregations, some are snake-handling,tongue-speaking,poison-drinking,holy brotherhood of the grace of God our Father in Heaven congregations.

There are reasons for all the different styles. And each has it's flaws. Some are too closed-minded to change. Some are judgmental and aggressive towards non-believers, others are over the top and down right scary. And others are merely country club mutual admiration societies.

The flaw with my church was that it's watered down. No offense to the ministry staff or the volunteers or anyone that helps out behind the scenes. But being a seeker sensitive church means sacrificing meat for milk, means prioritizing conversions over journeys of faith, means labeling seeker or believer, means being comfortable instead of holding each other accountable.

I could go on and on, but then you would think I hated this church. Instead I loved it. I loved this church not because of the programs, the sermons, the worship services, the youth ministry, the small groups, or the coffee bar. I loved this church for two reasons.

1) It has taught me to develop my own responsibility for being fed through other means than just Sunday Morning. I have been a follower of Christ for nearly 15 years. And for the majority of those 15 years, I believed that I could only learn about God through the ministry staff at my church. I know that sounds elementary, but it's true. I assumed that since they were educated, godly men then they knew more about teaching me the truth than I knew about looking for it. So I didn't look. I didn't read books by other great godly men and women, I didn't search for study tools to develop my personal growth in the bible, I didn't search for mentors to help guide me on my journey, because pastor Steve or brother Tom knew what I needed.

2) The other reason I love my church is that it has taught me that friendship is key in living a Godly life. I have never known true friendships. The kind that calls for brutal, integrity based honesty. In fact, the guy I called my best friend was nothing more than a good buddy that I enjoyed hanging out with. Until this year. He called me out. It was a slap in the face. "Mike, we have known each other since college. But we don't know each other on a spiritual friend level. We don't pray together, we don't discuss doubts, and theological questions, we don't encourage each other. It's still the same relationship we had when we were roommates in college. College was 6 years ago. We've both grown up and our friendship needs to grow up. We're not college roommates anymore. We are adults. And our friendship needs to start reflecting it." This was all paraphrased because my memory sucks. But you catch the drift.

That kind of brutal honesty took me by the hair and shook me. I instantly woke up to the sleep of denial that had shadowed my life. I need to grow up. I'm not a kid anymore. And my friendships need to be mature, God-centered friendships. I thank him for that conversation, because it made me realize that I never knew the friendship of those closest people to me.

So where do I go from here? I go to work, to the market, to the tech store, to the mall. I go out to the world and try to develop new relationships. I try to be real, all the time. I try to present the compassion and love that Christ Jesus shows for me. I try to be the man of God that I have been called to be.

Why?

Because Jesus' own words ring in my heart, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew22:37-40) By these two commands I will strive to live my life.